I Smelled My Max

Since it's been so nice out, Kevin and I have been opening our balcony door at night. It's so nice not to have to run the air conditioner. But the mornings are rather chilly in our bedroom!
This morning I got up early to read my homework assignment for class today. I got out of bed, felt cold, and decided it was time to bust out the white fuzzy robe I haven't worn for months. I just love this robe! It is long (but not too long that I trip on it), and it has pockets, and it is so snuggly. Well as I was laying in bed reading my sociology textbook I smelled my baby...a smell that instantly brought tears to my eyes! I guess I should have expected this...I wore this robe almost everyday while Max and I snuggled. :) So now I'm sitting here trying to decide if I'll ever take this robe off...do you think people would stare if I showed up in class with it on? :) Or maybe I'll put it back on the hanger behind my other two robes so that when I put it on tomorrow morning I get to smell Maxton again!

What a day...

I've been dreading today (August 30th) for 2 reasons. The first I knew was coming. The second I knew was coming but didn't know when...and BAM it happened today. I guess today was as good a day as any.

Reason #1: My first appointment with Baby Burkey #2.

I keep envisioning something really bad happening. I am now very aware that babies can be taken away from you at any time. I'm worried that we will get to the Dr's office and he will tell me this is all some sort of figment of my imagination...that I don't have a beautiful baby growing in my belly. Strange I know but I can't help but be nervous. Also I am using the same OB that I used with Maxton. He is a good guy and is very personable. The last time I saw Dr. K was a short 3 and a 1/2 months ago. It was a 6 week check up and I took Mr. Max with me to show him off. Dr. K and I discussed options for postponing any future pregnancies as I assured him I was a VERY content Mommy and Maxton was all I needed for at least 2 more years. We laughed about those crazy women that don't take "precautions" and end up getting pregnant 3 months after their first child is born. Hmmm....I have suddenly become one of those crazy ladies I did plan on being. Not that I didn't want another baby so soon but I knew Max was all I needed for a little while. I'm pretty sure Dr. K doesn't know our handsome Maxton went to heaven and I can see how the situation will play out exactly. Dr. K will be surprised to see me, I will cry when I tell him what happened, and then the rest of the appointment will be awkward. Oh how things change. Now I desperately need the baby that I was pretty sure I didn't want to have for another few years and I miss the one that had made me so content in the first place. It's a good thing Kevin decided he wanted to go with me...I'm sure he has no idea how much I really need him there.

Reason #2: The Coroner's office called
When we were leaving the hospital the Coroner told us that the autopsy generally takes around 6 to 8 weeks to complete. I think I knew that there really was nothing I could have done to save my baby but I needed to know for sure. When we received his death certificate the cause of death read "Pending". That did nothing to help with my anxiety level and I had to call the coroner to see if they had any results. They said they were still working on Max's case and would call when they had received the final results. After we found out we were pregnant with Maxton's brother or sister it became even more important for me to clear up the "WHY'S" and "WHAT IF'S" surrounding my baby. If he died of something that could have been treated or because Kevin or I had passed on something genetically I wanted to know so that Baby #2 could be treated/tested right away. So Kevin and I have waited patiently to hear from someone we never really wanted to talk to in the first place. Well today was the day. I was sitting at the library at WSU doing homework and I received a call from an unknown number. She introduced herself as being from the Sedgwick County Coroner's office and I excused myself from the work lab. And then she proceeded to tell me that they did not find anything of importance and that the cause of Maxton's death had officially been recorded as SIDS. SIDS is actually a cause of exclusion. Basically that means that they did every single test they could do and there was no cause to be found. So I guess now it's final...but I still have so many questions. The chances of SIDS can be "decreased" but Kevin and I did everything right (well except the part where he slept with us but I'm very glad I had that time with my little man). So now I'm not sure what to think. I guess I was sort of hoping there was something we could have our future babies tested for that would assure me they would be with us forever. That, however, is not the case. But Mr. Max taught us to "love as if each day could be your last" so that's what we will do...just keep on lovin'...no matter what!

Pregnancy with Max

I was going through my little notebook and found my "journal" from the early days of my pregnancy with Maxton. I didn't end up writing in it very long but I thought the content was worth sharing. Some of it is a little "graphic" but overall I really enjoyed reading it and I thought it would be ok to share. :)

Aug 11th, 2010
5 weeks and 1 day

Oh I'm so not a "journaler" but I thought this would be a great idea/way to remember all the neat little stuff throughout my pregnancy.
So here it goes...
It all started a few months ago at Ami and Heath's wedding. As Kevin and I were dancing, we decided we were ready for babies. So I stopped taking my birth control. We honestly thought it would take a while for us to get pregnant but nope...we must be fertile folks. I noticed a few weeks ago that my breasts were very tender, to the point it hurt to shower. I was also having cramps but I passed it off as becoming used to being birth control free. On Tues. Aug. 3rd, I was still having cramps and I knew something "wasn't quite right" so I called the doc and made an appt for Thurs. the 5th. I was "possibly" 3 days late for my period by Thursday morning so I decided to pee on a stick. Well I heard you are supposed to use morning urine as it is most concentrated with hormone so at 5:30 AM there I am in the bathroom, half asleep, trying to open this PG test. As you guessed, it came back with a + sign. I was excited and shaky. I ran to the bedroom and turned on the light to make Kevin look. The first thing he said was, "How do you know what it (the + sign) means?" The second things was, "You better call your Mom!" She didn't answer her cell phone at 5:37 but I couldn't fall back asleep so I called again at 6:00 AM. She was so excited but also nervous about my cramping.
I had that Thursday off from work and 2:30 wasn't going by fast enough! When I got to the Dr. I told her what was gong on and she just knew I was pregnant but did the test just to make sure! We talked about the cramping and she assured me it was normal and that I needed to be healthy but keep living my (our) life because there is nothing I could do to prevent anything bad. I called my Mom and again she was super excited. I asked if I could have a stroller for my B-day and she said no but maybe maternity clothes!! :) I went shopping after I found out...it seemed like the right thing to do as I hear once you have children you never get anything for yourself?!? LOL I bought a purple necklace and I bought Kevin golf shoes...That's how I officially told him he was going to be a daddy! It was awesome and he was very happy. Right away he called his family who were also very excited!
From that point, the last 6 days have honestly been a whirlwind. Friday at work went by so quickly. We decided to tell everyone right away as we knew we couldn't keep "it" a secret. Kevin also decided to call "it" Max because "it" doesn't sound right. So from now on, I will write about/to Max. Saturday was the Boxberger open and all my family found out as I was the DD for the day.
I must say that Max was an instant hit. Oh and I told my dad on Friday night and he was happy...he's ready to be a G-pa I think! Saturday night we went out with Matt and Dena...what a long, fun night but the next morning came early! Sunday was church with Bob and Darlene and lunch with G-ma Boxberger and Mom and Dad. An afternoon nap and a B-day party for Kevin's Uncle Rich rounded out the day. Monday flew by and Tuesday we drove to KC to buy a family friendly car! Yeah! Daddy is being so good about you Max! Even giving up his Jeep...
And now to today...
I am still having lots of cramps and everyone said I would be tired but I didn't think that would happen so fast. I fell asleep at lunch today. I love being pregnant, not so much the pain but knowing that all of this is for something! I'm not sure how it happens but I'm already in love with the pea size Max in my belly. I constantly think about him and have started being better at things like drinking H2O and eating breakfast in the last 6 days! And I think Kevin is falling in love too...he tells Max goodnight and kisses my not at all getting big yet belly! Love it! I think we will do just fine at being parents! Well I made lasagna for super so we're gonna eat now!
Oh I forgot...everyone at work says, "WE are having a baby" like it's a group effort! How cute!
Good night Max,
Love
Mommy

The "+ sign" that told us we were pregnant with Max! :)

And Then There were 4...

So there it is...our BIG news!

Whew...I never thought I would be blogging about being pregnant with my second child only four months after having my first. And I sure didn't believe that I would be using a chalk board at a cemetery to do it. But I'm making life work for me. :) In an odd way it is sort of comforting to believe that Maxton already knows his brother or sister and that maybe he hand picked this child for Kevin and me. :) Mr. Max was a good baby and I'm hoping he taught Baby #2 a few lessons on taking "baffies" and how to snuggle with Mommy.

So you might be asking how it is that Kevin and I decided it was "the right time" to add Baby Burkey #2 into our little family. Well you see, there were many factors that played in but in the end I think we both just knew!

We miss our son very much and are in no way trying to "replace" him. I truly believe it would be nearly impossible to replicate how perfect Maxton was for us. He taught us how to be good parents and in the end he strengthened our love for each other. So while we will continue to cry for what we are missing out on we will smile for what is yet to come with Max's little brother or sister. :)

Prayer

Boy how my prayers have changed over the last few months. I will start by saying that I was never really a "stop everything and pray" kind of girl. When I read posts asking for prayers on Facebook I generally would think of the individual or situation for a few seconds and then move on. If there were someone or something that I felt strongly about I would pray for miracles, asking God to cure or fix whatever needed to be cured or fixed completely. I know miracles happen...I've seen them. I have also witnessed miracles not happen. Hence my new prayer "strategy". Now days as I scroll through FB, the prayer requests really catch my attention. I stop at that very moment and say my "revised" miracle prayer. I ask God to heal the person completely as I did before but at the end I throw in a little twist. I now include a part asking God to also look after the people who love the sick or injured person and to let them know that sometimes miracles don't happen but that they will make it through. And at the very end I say something along the lines of "please help everyone to know that the love they have for each other will still be present even if they can't be together on Earth."

I think it's amazing how much an eight week old beautiful baby boy taught his Momma about prayer and life. I love you Maxton and I miss you.

One Sad Day

Today is the day that my handsome man has been in Heaven longer than he was on Earth. This makes me hurt. :(

Mommy loves you and misses you Maxton!

You Are My Sunshine

When I found out I was pregnant I read EVERY piece of literature about tips for a successful pregnancy I could get my hands on. I read books, blogs, magazines, and random websites. I found quite a few recommendations that said to sing a particular song to your baby while in utero. The theory being that the baby (after being born) would recognize the song and it would have a soothing effect on him/her. So early on I chose the song You Are My Sunshine or rather it chose me. I've never particularly enjoyed the song but for some reason that's the one that came to me in the shower every morning. So I sang that one verse song to my Max over and over again while he was still in my belly, hoping that it would produce the desired effects in the future. I kind of got tired of singing that same verse but I had chosen that song and I stuck with it. After Maxton was born I sang it to him often. I couldn't ever tell if he actually recognized that exact tune or if he just enjoyed his Mommy's singing. :) While at my Grandma's house one afternoon I learned that the song actually had more to it. I tried remembering the second part but I never quite mastered it and had to call G-ma a few times to re-learn the new words. When Maxton went to the hospital I tried to sing this song to him hoping that maybe the tune would cause something to fire in his beautiful head. I was really having trouble with the words and out of nowhere one of the awesome nurses brought me a copy of the WHOLE entire song. It turns out that the part I was singing was the "chorus" and there were over five versus.
I had always thought that song was a little strange but at the hospital while I was singing it to my son I realized there had to be a reason this song was the one I chose from the beginning. If you don't understand you will in a second. Here are a few of the words:

You are my Sunshine
My only Sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my Sunshine away.

The other night, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I help you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head down and cried.

Above are the two parts of the song that I regularly sang to Max. The following parts are ones that I learned at the hospital. And while they are about a man and his lover they seemed to somehow fit the situation between my baby and me. I know that Maxton didn't have a choice in leaving but I can't help but to think that maybe he sometimes wishes he could of stayed with his Mommy at least a little bit longer.

I'll always love you
And make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me
To love another
You'll regret it all some day.

You told me once, dear,
You really loved me
And no one else could come between
But now you've left me
And love another
You have shattered all my dreams.



Mr. Max will always be this Mommy's Only Sunshine! :)

To Blog or Not to Blog...

That is the question.

I feel like I have so much to say and so much to "document" but I'm never sure what I can or can not write on this blog. I usually try to only blog when I am feeling ok or have had a bad day with a good outcome; a life lesson learned sort of day. But there are days when I feel like crap and I have so much I just want to get out. I want to be that strong women that everyone looks up to and I want to hold my head up and look toward the future but there are only so many days I can do that. I do feel like I am doing well and I am thankful for all of the support but I don't want to let everyone down when I have a little pity party. I want to smile and I want to laugh and I do but I also want to cry and hurt without being the crying crazy lady in the store or the women who stares at every baby in a car seat.

So here it is: I have bad days and I have terrible nights. If you happen to catch me during one of these times don't be alarmed. :) I'll "snap to" soon enough. Just chat with me or give me a hug. Remind me of how lucky I was to get to spend the 8 most amazing weeks of my life with my beautiful Maxton.

Boy I sure do miss him.

Drawing the Line

This is still very new to me. I've had VERY important people in my life pass away but I was younger, they weren't completely dependent on me for care, and they were older and sick. So holding my beautiful son one night and then not the next is still hard to understand. And while I know that my Grandpa and Aunt Deb are looking down watching, I FEEL like Maxton is all around me. He is with me in the car and in bed snuggling between his Mommy and Daddy. We have "Max Time" while I am in the shower...I completely let my thoughts go and I get to talk to my little man. Kevin says this is ok for now but in about 10 years I probably shouldn't be talking to my son while I'm naked. :) I want to include him in things so I have one of his socks stuffed in my purse and I carried around his pinwheel like I was a proud Mommy. It makes me feel better knowing that I can still physically have a part of Maxton with me. But this is where it gets confusing. I'm not sure where exactly to draw the line on these things. I went to read to Max's grave last weekend and I really felt close to him. I liked it so much I thought that I should just go back later that day with a towel and my swimming suit to get a tan. Obviously that one crossed the line as my family looked at me like I was crazy! :) I want to "include" him in future family pictures but I don't want to look like a lunatic.
So I guess what I'm asking is for everyone to be patient with me. If you see me talking to myself, or rocking my stuffed turtle, or laying in a cemetery just smile and know that I am "with" my Max and that I am not crazy and I will eventually figure everything out.

Little "I love you" Gifts

I know that I got this trait from my Mom and I think it's pretty cool. For every holiday she picks up little gifts for us kids. It's usually nothing big... just something that says "I'm thinking about you!" I picked up on this idea when my super cute niece, Lyla, was born. I really like finding little "trinkets" that I think will make her happy or are cute. Every holiday is a reason to get her a gift. :) This 4th of July however I've found it a little harder to get in the trinket mood. You see I was very excited to have such a cute baby boy to also buy fun things for. And while I still get to buy toys for Maxton I'm a little more limited in my purchases. While other mom's tend to grab shovels and water floaties I went for the one item that I thought was cute and would stick in the ground...a patriotic themed pinwheel. Right now it's sitting in a vase on the TV stand waiting to be placed on Max's grave. I'm proud of myself for carrying on in the "tradition" that I wanted to create with Max but I have mixed emotions about that pinwheel. Some days it makes me smile to know that Maxton would have loved to watch how it turned. And other days it makes me hurt...knowing that a dumb pinwheel was the only option I had for my sweet baby's "I love you" gift. But no matter how the day ends up I try to remind myself that I was lucky to have at least a little time with most important (miniature) man in my life!

A Million + 1 Thanks

Where do I even start?
This has by far been the hardest two weeks in my entire life and somehow I am still smiling between the tears. And ya know why? Because Kevin and I have the best family and friends in the entire world!

I've thought about how I would tell everyone thanks and what I would write on my "Thank You Blog" but each time I write something down it doesn't seem substantial enough. I honestly believe that I would not have made it this far without all of your support and prayers.

And you know one of the things I've learned from this time: There really are GOOD people in the world. People who give without getting and people who support and encourage even though they are struggling with their own issues.

I'm not sure I will ever find the exact words I want to say but just know that we appreciate everything you have done for us and all the love you have shown to us. We are better people because of you and we love you all very much. So to our families and to our friends, both the ones we already have and to those we have never met, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Kelci and Kevin

What Do Babies Wear to Heaven?

Our amazing little Maxton is already there I'm sure. So why then do I keep asking myself this same question. Somehow nothing seems right. I want him to be comfy and snuggly like he was when he slept with his Mommy and Daddy. But at the same time I want him to be dressed up because he looked so darn cute in his little suit. Hmm... and why is this the question that seems to keep popping into my head? Maybe it's because this question has logical answers where as all of the other questions have answers that are hard to wrap my mind around. I know the hard ones will never really be explained and I think I've come to terms with that. I'm going to be honest in saying that it's taken over a week to attain this mentality but I know I can't spend the rest of my life saying why and what if. So for tonight I'll stick with the easy one...snuggly or handsome...or maybe something in between? :)

Max Update: Can you believe our "avocado" will be 7 weeks old tomorrow?

Hey everyone! I'm very sorry that I haven't been blogging lately. For you see I have a very good reason...Mr. Maxton, the most handsome boy in the world, is super spoiled. I hold him 24/7, sleep with him, and rock him while he eats. Only the best for my little turtle. :) We go on walks, love taking baths, and comb what little hair he has at least 3 times a day. He seems to keep me on my toes at all times and I love it! What a good baby this lucky Momma has!

He is going to hate me for this later but I couldn't help it!

Momma's Mad Major Hunk!

Maxton's first drive-in movie. He shared a funnel cake and popcorn with his Daddy and Mommy!

Our sweet little sleeper...I wonder what he is dreaming about? :)

Unfortunately, I now have some free time on my hands. So I'm going to use this time to ask for your help.

Yesterday, our beautiful baby stopped breathing while at the sitter. He was lifeless when the EMTs arrived but they were able to resuscitate him. It is unknown at this time how long he was without oxygen (the best guess is about 20 minutes)or the cause. We are now at the hospital (surrounded by our amazing family and friends) playing the waiting game. There have been a few changes over the last 24 hours, some bad and others optimistic. Kevin and I know that Max is a fighter and will have a long road ahead of him but that God gave him back to us for a reason!
The doctor's and nurses here are fantastic and have been very open with us the whole time. Their suggestion is to prepare for the worst but hope for the best. We are taking that idea and re-arranging it to fit our situation. I will say that I have had my "downer" moments. The science behind it says that Baby Max should not be here right now but I happen to have a family friend named Brad that says science isn't everything! His story is what I am holding on to right now...God makes miracles happen!

So here is where we need your help...Prayers, Prayers, and more Prayers! We know that many of you have already spent the last 24 hours in constant prayer but the more people we can get on board the better. So tell your families, your friends, and your neighbors about our amazing little man and his condition. We truly believe that God will hear all of the prayers and help Mr. Maxton!

Love from us all,
Kelci, Kevin, and Maxton Foster

Blog started 3/31/11 1:30 pm I'm so excited...

...that I just can't hide it! I think Kevin is starting to get annoyed with all of my sporadic comments. But I can't help it! Every time I do something I think "I could be a Mommy next time I fold laundry" or "Next time I drive down this street I could have a Max in the backseat" I mean this is important stuff! :)

I didn't blog about this earlier because I didn't want to jinx myself but here is how the last week played out. As I posted in the last blog, Dr. K was out of town so I saw a different Dr. on Tuesday and was dilated to 3cm. Well Wednesday my husband went out of town for a little ski trip (to make matters worse he was with my Dad and little brother) so three of the most important men in my life were at least 8 hours away. Kevin missed our birthing class and was embarrassed to tell 5 other pregnant women he left me so close to my due date so he made me tell them he was on a one night business trip! Coward! :) My BFF Heather went with me instead. Mom came down on Thursday afternoon to stay with me. Thursday evening Ashley, Jennie, and Heather threw a shower for all of my Wichita friends! It was fantastic...ice cream bar, cup cakes, and great people! Thursday night as Mom and I were putting away the gifts I felt something a bit strange. I grabbed myself and made the "oh crap" face and the first thing Mom thought was that my water broke...could you imagine what an ordeal that would have been?!? Well it wasn't my water breaking but I did lose my mucous plug so neither of us slept very well that night. I just knew we would have to call the guys and make them come home. We went back to Hoisington for the weekend and I spent all Saturday with family and friends (ok really I think they just passed me around so that I was never by myself but that's ok with me). My mom also went out of town on Sat. so I had very specific orders to walk slowly and sit whenever possible! :) The guys came back Saturday night. Sunday afternoon was Neen's bridal shower and then we headed back to Wichita Sunday evening.

FYI: This blog was actually started on Thursday, March 31st over my lunch break from work. I was planning on completing the blog and posting week 38 Max pictures later that night but as you all know... Max was born that night!!! So here are the pictures from week 38.

To complete the post I have to add that I had another Dr.'s appointment on Tuesday the 29th. At that time Dr. K stripped my membranes and told me to cross my fingers that we would see each other again in a few days in the delivery room. Sure enough--he was right! I started having contractions around 11:30 Thursday night and tried to go back to bed. I couldn't take it anymore and woke Kevin up about 3:30 am. I also called the Dr.'s hotline and she told me that even though the contractions were about 3 min apart they might be Braxton Hicks and to take a Benadryl. Ha! They were real and around 4:00 am we headed to the hospital. I stayed there for an hour and didn't progress any so they were going to send me home but then Max's fetal tones weren't right so they ended up admitting me. Mom and Bryan showed up about 6:00 am and the games began! I'll post more later as my little munchkin is stirring.

Max Update: Week 37

We are already 1/2 way thru week 37...can you believe it? I feel like I still have so much to do. In fact, the sticky note attached to the bottome left corner of the computer labeled "Things to do in the next three weeks" reminds me that I have only crossed off 2 of the 6 "things" I want to get done before Max. And although I plan to continue working on that list my opinion about the arrival of Max has changed! Before I wanted everything to be structured and set up and ready...right on schedule. But now I say "Bring it on!" I'm ready to see my little guy/girl whether the house is dirty or not. :)
This may or may not have something to do with my increasingly huge feet! I swear they look like snossages. And I didn't know that when something swelled up that it hurt...I just thought it looked funny. Ha Boy was I wrong. :)
In all honesty I can't complain! I am nearing the end of this journey and I have been one lucky girl! I can handle 1 month of ugly feet in return for a beautiful Max!

Dr. Appointmet updates:
-Max's heart rate was 144 BPM.
-I was dilated to a 3 and was 70% effaced.
-I gained .6 lbs for a total gain so far of about 23 lbs.

Pictures for week 37:

Kevin said this one had the perfect angle...it shows just how big the Max bump is! :)

On another note my co-workers have started placing bets on Max's arrival. They have a sheet where for $1.00 you can guess the date, weight, and gender of Max! Then they are donating all of the money to our little baby! I work with some pretty darn awesome people! :)

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

A little TMI?

A few things about the last few days...
Just a heads up that some of it is very "graphic"...

-I feel like Max is coming soon. I'm not exactly sure why but I just have this gut feeling that he/she is not going to wait much longer (so in reality he/she will probably come 2 weeks late and make this Momma look like a fool) :)
-My feet (the right in particular) have been swelling and the top gets tingly when it gets really fat.
-I cleaned/organized like a mad woman this weekend (I still have a ton to do) and people are saying it's "nesting" but I think it really just needed to get done.
-I had a sore throat all weekend and was pretty run down so I'm either getting sick or my body is telling me to slow down?
-I had this weird urge to paint my nails...so I did...bright pink! :)
- I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions quite regularly and to me they just feel like period cramps...which I can totally handle. I asked Dr. K how I would know when they became real and he kind of chuckled and said, "when you can't talk you know they are real".

Hmmm...well I think that's all for tonight. Max and I have our week 37 appointment tomorrow (did I tell you that Dr. K is out of town skiing right now?) so I'll post pictures and do an update sometime soon. :)

The Final Countdown

26 days! Yep...down to days everyone!


I started ideas for today's blog last night and the hubby talked me into watching a movie with him instead so this will be short and sweet!


I still feel fantastic but I think I'm slowing down? Kevin and I went grocery shopping on Monday and when we got home I had muffin tops for ankles. You know how the top of the muffin always spills out over the wrapper...that's what my ankles looked like over the tops of my socks. :( I propped those puppies up and they went down soon enough but they looked pretty gross for a while. And today I have the day off. So I decided that I needed to get a few things done "just in case" Max decides to make an appearance early. So I created a list and went running around Wichita from 9 AM until about 2 PM. I got lots of things accomplished and even got to eat lunch with the hubs but man am I tired! I used to be able to shop for 2 days in a row...well not with this huge ol belly. After I finish this blog I'm probably going to sit my bootie outside to enjoy the weather for a bit and maybe even take a snooze.

Week 36:

This appointment was great!

-I gained 2.3 lbs...yeah for me and all the fruit I've been eating!

-Max's heart rate was at 160 BPM.

-I am dilated to a two and 60% effaced.

Holy Cow! I know that I could be dilated at a two for a week or even a month but this is all starting to become so real! My baby could be here tomorrow for all I know! I've started to do this weird thing where each time I do something like take a shower or put on makeup I think "This could be the last time I ever do this in peace." :) Because really tonight could be the night?

I did it...

What did I do that is blog worthy? Well I packed my hospital bag! I'm not sure why I feel this is a huge step for me but I was putting it off as long as I could. I guess I thought that if I didn't pack my bag then it wasn't quite time for Max to be here.

I sure do want to see my sweet baby but I'm getting nervous. Not for being a Mom so much but for being prepared. Do we have everything we need? Is the house "baby ready"? I've planned to breastfeed but what if that doesn't work? Are we making the right choice about daycare? And the list goes on and on. I wake up in the middle of the night (to go to the bathroom of course because there is a watermelon sized baby on my bladder) and then I can't fall back asleep due to the previously mentioned thoughts running through my mind. I know everything will be just fine and Max will love us even if the house is a bit dirty on his/her first day home but it's hard to not want everything to be just perfect before our little love muffin makes his/her debut.

So here's to hoping my bag stays neatly packed by the door for a few more weeks and Max continues to stay continent in my snuggly warm belly...at least until I find room in our cute little kitchen to put away all the baby bottles. :)

The Final Countdown

Woo Hoo!!!! We are officially at 35 weeks. And while I am very excited about meeting our little "love muffin" I am becoming very aware of the fact that this meeting could happen at any time.


I have started feeling what I think are Braxton Hicks contractions but hello...I've never had contractions before so how am I really supposed to know? All of the books and magazines say that I will begin "dropping" before Max's arrival so every night I look in the mirror and try to remember the exact location/shape of my huge belly. Ask me if I've noticed any difference? Nope...and I'm not sure that I will! :) This stuff is harder to pin-point than the books make it out to be. So I have decided that Max will just have to follow his/her Momma's plan and be here exactly April 12th...it is written on my calender in red and circled which makes it official right?




Here are the week 35 baby bump pictures:

And for those of you that were wondering about last weeks appointment here is a quick update.

-Max was an active little thing and his/her heart rate was at 162 BPM.

-This ever so hungry Momma gained another 5 lbs in 2 weeks. Dr. K said that at 20 lbs I was still doing ok but that I should shoot for gaining no more than 10 lbs in the next 5 weeks. So I've been eating apples and grapes like they were going out of style and waddling up and down the stairs many extra times throughout the day. Let's hope that helps balance out the occasional Arby's sandwich! :)

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

Our weekend with Lylabug

The picture version:

We woke up bright and early to watch Uncle Kev in his Tri. I think we look pretty good for being up at 6:00 am. :)

Watching Uncle Kev swim.
And then bike.

Yeah he's done! Good Job Uncle Kevin!

She got so excited and ran all the way across the gym to meet him!

Just cooling off.

We love us some Lyla!

Miss Thang getting ready for a walk.

Stopping for a little break.

We also went swimming, shopping, and did a ton of dancing and playing! What a fun weekend! We love you Lylabug!

Confession

Last Wednesday Max and I had our 32 week appointment. I have made it a point to dress cute when I go to the Dr. so far and last week was no exception. I just feel good walking into a room of very large women wearing pajama pants looking like a million bucks. It's like I'm saying "Hey look at me! I'm pregnant too and feeling the same stuff you are but I take a bit of pride in my bump." Or maybe I'm really just arrogant and like to show off? lol Either way...I dress up. Last week however, I had an additional term to meet... the goal was to "think-light". Ya know how I was doing so good on the weight gain in the early months? Well it's not that I was trying to be the skinny pregnant woman, in fact I feel that I was gobbling bad things the whole time. You see, many years ago I formed an opinion of pregnant women and how they should look. Fat and Happy!!! I don't know where this picture came from exactly? Maybe TV, maybe from seeing women I've known? But either way I had decided it was a woman's God given right to be pleasantly plump and to eat whatever they wanted during those 9 months. So that's exactly what I did...it wasn't my fault that I WANTED to eat fruit and not doughnuts. :) Trust me - I tried to man-handle a few amazing looking maple doughnuts but the acid indigestion got the best of me every time.

So again fast forward to week 32 of this pregnancy: I walk into the Dr's office looking pretty darn good in my dress pants/turtle neck/scarf combo. As always the first stop is the scale. I can tell you that each time this is the worst part of the appointment for me. I walk with a bit of hesitation to that darn scale and debate about how much is appropriate to take off in an area like this. I decided just to go with it and leave the scarf and shoes on. And then it happened...just as I knew it was going to. I had gained 5 lbs in a matter of 2 weeks! Ha Ha Ha As you can see this was a problem. I was only "supposed" to gain a lb a week. And I KNEW I had been eating a ton and feeling a bit larger than usual but wasn't that what my mental picture from so long ago was telling me to do? Yes...it was! So Dr. K had a little chat with me about the 5 lbs being a bit excessive but that I was still doing ok because my net gain was only 15 lbs, etc., etc.. And while I took this all in and do feel a bit "bad" let me tell you that I'm still eating! In fact I just took a little break from this blog to grab two pieces of chocolate. They are from a box that my lovely husband and I made a run to Dillon's to pick up after they were on sale from Valentine's Day! We looked like little piggies standing in line but I stuck my belly out and was sort of proud that I was letting my cravings get the best of me at 9:30 at night. :)

Wheeeeewwwww.... so there it is for all the world to read. My 5 lb confession. And now that it's off my shoulders I do feel a bit better but I'm not going to sit here and lie to you about my plans to make the next two weeks any better. I have went on a few walks and done a bit of elliptical time but don't be surprised if there is 5 more pounds of Kelci to love after next weeks appointment!



I hope you all have had your own Fat and Happy sort of Monday! :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

I know...it's been a LONG time since I've blogged. It's not that I haven't done anything exciting because I have (hello...I'm not a total loser). I guess I've just been "busy". You know, with important stuff, like growing a baby! :)

So here is a quick run down of the highlights.

Max was supposed to have his/her week 30 appointment on Feb. 1st but Wichita had a pretty large snowstorm so it was postponed until Feb. 4th. Dr. K says that everything still looks like a go for mid-April. Max's heartbeat was at 132 BPM and the nurse said he/she must have been sleeping because he/she was being very cooperative. What a good little Max.

The Steelers lost the Superbowl on Sunday the 5th and it was a sad day in the Burkey house.

We went to watch Bryce wrestle on the 10th in Marion. Oh how he is growing up. He is going to be 17 in April! Yikes. But he's still got a ways to go...the kid wears zip up ties! How funny! We ended the evening by taking Bryce and Zac S. (Mom and Tammy were in the minivan) to McPherson where we got to visit with JoRae, Tana-banana, and Heidi Mae. I'm not sure how you can feel "old" at the ripe age of 25 but those kids sure do it to me! :)

Friday we had a couple over for tacos and game night. They have an 8 month old son so dinner conversations were filled with warnings and horror stories. :)

It was a lot of fun and we've already made plans to get together again soon.

This weekend Mom and Dad came down to do a few fixer-upper things around the house. Dad and Kevin spent all Saturday night fixing our leaky bathtub and Mom and I did the girl thing...shop, fix supper, decorate. It was a late night so we slept in on Sunday, made waffles for breakfast, did a few more things around the house, and then went shopping some more. Dad still doesn't understand that shopping is an art and must not be rushed! (On a side note: Mom broke her ring finger a while back and hasn't been able to wear her wedding band. So for her birthday she got to pick out a new ring! Very pretty I must say! ) Sunday night we decided that a buffet was the way to go. Bad idea people...I ate like it was my last meal on earth and had acid indigestion the whole night. But it was totally worth it...not just because of the food but because the lady who rang us up gave Dad and Mom the senior citizen's discount!!!! Ha Ha Ha! Oh it was fantastic! Mom didn't like the idea but Dad was excited to save a few dollars. :)

And here they are: Max pictures for week 32! Our Max is getting so darn big! Sometimes my belly feels like it can't get any bigger and then I remember that I still have 8 weeks to go! And I'm pretty sure that the small slit in my stomach is no longer considered a belly button. :( I hope you like small spaces little boy/girl because this Momma's belly is about Maxed out...lol Get it? Maxed out! We have another appointment tomorrow so I'll keep you posted.

Here's to wishing you all a day filled with {Love} and HaPpINesS.

1/2 of a Snow Day!

Kevin and I woke up this morning sorta early, only pushed snooze twice, and were out of bed by 7:30! That's early for us. We were going to start trying to get up by 6:00 AM everyday to prepare for Max but then we decided that we should take advantage of sleeping in while we could. So most days we are snuggled up until at least 7:50. :) Well today we knew that driving to work would probably be a bit rough with the 12 inches of predicted snow so up "early" it was.

I'm not sure what possesses people to go to a bank with blizzard conditions going on outside? I mean really...what is important enough to hop in your freezing car, drive on snow packed roads, and walk into a financial institution with tiny pellets hitting your face for? Oh you need checks...I promise you'll still need them tomorrow. What's that...you want a loan? We're more likely to say yes tomorrow when we can feel our fingers so come back then! I guess some people just don't get it. So for those people that were CRAZY, my co-workers and I all showed up and put in our 6 hours worth of work until Big Bob decided that we should all be at home. :) Thanks for the 1/2 snow day CUA! :)
I drive an X-terra which looks totally rugged but I opted for the cheaper version...without 4-wheel drive. STUPID! I made it home with only 2 scares of getting stuck in the huge drifts. I didn't get to park in the carport because of said drifts so my "beasty" vehicle sat in the tow zone until my hubby could move the drift for me. :) What a good hubby!

When I got home I was really planning on taking advantage of the extra time by doing some laundry. I put on my sweats, gathered the laundry in the basket, and got all the way to the bed when I decided laundry wasn't going to happen today. What a nice little snooze I got in before Kevin got home. I made yummy chili for supper, looked at super cute baby bedding for Max, and am now drinking hot chocolate getting ready to cozy up on the couch with the love of my life to watch a girly movie. Now that's a great way to spend a snow day!

Oh and Max and I were supposed to have an appointment today but I decided that it would be better to reschedule for a safer day. So we go to Dr. K's on Friday! I'll update you then!

Happy Snowy Tuesday.

Woopie!

We were getting ready for bed last Thursday and I let out this super strange giggle/yelp/screech and Kevin didn't know what was going on. But that was my "super excited because our baby is getting so close" noise. I've been so darn excited about getting to week 30 and I'm not sure of the importance of that week in particular but it seems like a milestone. So I let out the joyous noise and did a little dance before going to bed! Woo hoo for almost week 30! On the same note I am also excited that my appointment with Dr. K on Tues marks the start of going to the Dr. every 2 weeks as opposed to every 4...which again means that Max will be here before too long! Holy Toledo!

Through the first 6 months of pregnancy I didn't really think I was having very strong cravings but I realized recently that yes, I sure do crave certain things. I'm still stuck on beef but more precisely, Arby's beef and cheddar sandwiches. And I could eat oatmeal every day...probably twice. As far as sweets go, I don't want them but that hasn't stopped me from eating them lately.

I've been trying to get back into the groove of working out lightly. Since all last month I was "focused" on gaining weight I didn't do much in terms of going out of my way to walk or bike. I've started to feel a bit "fluffy" and have decided that I miss getting a little sweaty. I'm completely ok with gaining weight for Max I just don't want to gain a ton and then have a terrible time getting rid of the after baby junk. :) So in the last 2 weeks I've walked/waddled on the treadmill a few times, swam, biked, and used the elliptical. It feels REALLY good and I'm glad to be back on the bandwagon.

And this might be TMI but recently my pubic bone feels like it is being ripped apart in the middle...ok maybe not quite that painful but it isn't comfortable. I read on the Internet that my hormones are starting to "separate" my bones to prepare for giving birth. If that's the case bring on the pain! I can't wait to see my Max!

Here are the Baby Bump pictures of week 29 day 4 of the Max Journey.

See what I mean...

She loves her Uncle Kevin!